four long days...a journal of my thoughts and feelings for four days.
As most of you know who have read my blog from the beginning know I believe strongly in a woman having a mammogram. Last week I had a scare and every day for 4 days I put my thoughts and feelings down.
The week before I had my annual routine mammogram and waiting for the results I had a funny feeling that something was wrong. I usually get the results the very next day...but four days later a call came....
Monday 7/13/09 Day 1
I got a call today from the hospital that I needed to come back for some more testing. Meaning a diagnostic mammogram and possibly an ultrasound of the bre*st. Something showed up that wasn't there last time. Having worked in the mammo office for 3 years as a unit secretary, I have somewhat of an understanding of what all that entails.
Tuesday 7/14/09 Day 2
I wish I had made an appointment for earlier in the week. This waiting game stinks. I lied awake last night wondering all kinds of things. I should know better. I've seen women go through the same thing I'm going through many times. But hey, I'm scared, just like they were scared.
Wednesday 7/15/09 Day 3
it's been two days since i got the call
i can hardly stand it
my heart is pounding all the time
the tears come sometimes and I can't hold them back
tomorrow is the day I find out if I have bre*st cancer
what an ugly word that is...
did you ever think a word could be so ugly
i'm not really angry...
my husband has been wonderful
i worry about him
he worries about me
the kids don't know yet
i don't want to worry them
it's so hard to hold this in
my sister knows
she has had a scare like this before
Today's the day I find out what is going on. At 1:30 p.m. I have my appointment. My heart is beating and I have a huge lump in my throat. The waiting is almost over. Soon I will know if I can breathe a sigh of relief or take a deep breath and begin a new journey.
I've been praying. That's all I can do other than wait. But I'm not begging or pleading. All I ask for is strength to handle whatever comes my way. Everything is in God's hands and I just have to see what his plan for me is. I feel at peace right now, maybe that's why I don't feel any anger. I'm a bit scared, I'll admit. Anyone would be who is about to embark on a journey that they have never been on.
the news is good
i can breathe a sigh of relief
i can't stop smiling
looks like nothing
they want to check it in 6 months
i saw this on a car bumper as we were heading to the hospital
early detection saves lives